A Life that is Flourishing

Cognitive

  • I understand the difference between events and my reaction to them / IC

  • I understand there is a boundary between me and others; we are not fused / IC

  • I understand the difference between what I bring about from my actions and what happens on its own/because of others / IC

  • I understand the difference between what I want and my capacity (this is a grounding and realism) / B

  • I understand the difference between imagined and real constraints / B

  • I use purpose as a way of sorting through possibilities / B

  • I understand relationships and social reality are created by speaking; I speak with accuracy and objectivity, etc / C

  • I can feel, sense, discern what is being said, explicitly or implicitly, through emotion, body shape, language / C

  • I can determine and design conversations for relationships, possibilities and actions / C

  • I can lead alliances, partnerships and teams / P

  • I have the discipline to stay focused over the long term / P

  • I know how to attend to the short and long term; I can predict and resolve breakdowns / P

  • I am quiet enough to discern what my life could be / V

  • I see my life as a vehicle for…(with less ego activity, what appears?) / V

Emotional

  • I know I have emotion / IC

  • I can name my emotion / IC

  • I can discern if/when my emotion is too strong for the current situation / IC

  • I practice non-attachment to “destructive” emotions (and their resulting reactivities) / B

  • I’ve explored and revealed the roots of greed — the emotion of scarcity — in my life / B

  • I can work with and tolerate some loss / B

  • I can feel the mood / C

  • I can shift my mood / C

  • I can have conversations in difficult emotions / C

  • I have developed will — a deep well of emotional strength — to draw on as needed / P

  • I can transform ‘negative’ emotions into accomplishing something important / P

  • I can discern when an emotion is part of my historic survival response or when it is giving me indication about what’s new / P

  • In the midst of intense emotions, I can return to neutral — towards calmness, spaciousness and away from the push and pull of emotions / V

  • I can return to positive despite big setbacks, huge losses, etc by shortening my time horizon to what’s immediately in front of me so I can recover my intention, mood, focus and energy / V

Relational

  • I believe that everyone I meet, speak to, relate to is a valid human being / IC

  • I can give to others (this requires work with the inner critic and close focused observations) / IC

  • I can receive from others / IC

  • I practice reality checks in my relationships - accurately listening, being attuned, understanding correctly / B

  • I have competence in letting go and trusting others to do what is theirs to do / B

  • I can confide in others with greater contact, vulnerability and heartfelt candor / B

  • I can slow down my thoughts and sense into my body to attune to the state of others / C

  • I can be open enough to feel and show how I am affected by others / C

  • I inspire others — understanding their concerns and speaking in their language, reminding them of who they are / C

  • I have alliances / P

  • I have a strong network of support / P

  • I practice vulnerability where I deeply feel unformed sensations and feelings that are only accessible when willing to face with tenderness our own inconsistencies, unspoken dreams, broken-heartedness. And then I speak, connect and live from this place / P

  • I have individually selected the members of my tribe, a group of people chosen to be committed, vulnerable, loyal, supportive for a long period of time / V

  • I can shift between serving and being served / V

  • I have authentic concern for the ease and comfort of others / V

Spiritual

  • I sense that the world is bigger than me / IC

  • I sense that at least some others are like me / IC

  • I believe that myself, others and resources are here not just as material to use but as worthy of care for their own sake / IC

  • I appreciate how long change takes, and have a sensitivity to when the moment presents itself to act / B

  • I am patient, releasing my insistence that everyone and everything conform to my personal timing; others are equal to me / B

  • I have some trust in the overall process of life / B

  • I understand that we all have particular points of view and those points of view are equal / C

  • I can open my heart, mind and body to the reality/suffering of others / C

  • I have the beginnings of self-transcendence - loosening my grip on my own views and preferences / C

  • I see myself as a vehicle for something greater (reparation for vocation starts here) / P

  • I can return again and again to a feeling of interconnectedness under internal and external pressure / P

  • I harmonize successfully everything within and without and make micro-adjustments; I trust what’s happening / P

  • I take the “Bodhisattva vows” - dedicating all my attention, life force, actions, thoughts, words to the lessening of suffering / V

  • I have developed compassion / V

  • I am self-emptied in order to be filled with something else / V

Integrative

  • I understand that self-care shapes me / IC

  • I understand that emotions shape me / IC

  • I understand that others shape me / IC

  • I understand the difference between one-offs and cumulative effects / B

  • I can build a future; I am beginning to distinguish myself from cultural consensus and find my voice / B

  • I am aware of and integrate my shadow side / B

  • I am aware of and integrate my golden shadow, my positive aspects that I’ve been unwilling to own / C

  • I expand my conversational repertory to widen my views, including more people and domains / C

  • I have a transparent, integrated self or “public identity;” I have authentic integrity / C

  • I stop leaking power through distraction, unimportant details, pointless conflicts, past and future fantasies / P

  • I can build center by a daily practice of re-collecting myself again and again / P

  • I scrupulously observe and eliminate self-defeating behaviors; I harmonize with what is arising / P

  • I have a felt sense and objective viewpoint of simplicity which arises naturally / V

  • I have non-attachment — the ability to stay in my emotional response and energetic engagement regardless of outcomes / V

  • I have deep honesty and correction

Somatic

  • I am present/grounded in my body in the present moment, in contact with my own inner experience and the world of external stimuli; I can stay present in the midst of strong sensations of all types without becoming rigid or collapsing; I am in a neutral state of contact and readiness.

  • I am open to learn from experience as it flows and being influenced by events around me as they occur; I am curious about my views and beliefs.

  • I am flexible with life as it changes; I can summon up creativity, free up energy, release rigidity and engage with activities, relationships and conversations; I can see other points of view, stretch my understanding and soften my conclusions.

  • I am strong to persist in the face of challenges to my values; I have a strong core body, aerobic capacity and endurance.

  • I can sense my own body and detect what my body experience is: tired, energized, settled, agitated and so on; I can sense into my environment including other people and being able to discern the difference between what is happening with me and with someone else; in this way, I can access my own intuition or attune to others.

Adapted from New Ventures West