Worthy Defiance
By Jill Barrett, Evolve Impact Founder & Managing Partner
“In order to live a new wellness paradigm, we must have novel language to guide the journey.”
We learn some of our most useful lessons under turbulent conditions. Sometimes those lessons begin when the predominant cultural narratives around us interfere with our growth.
The extraordinary conditions of 2020 brought many of these narratives into sharp relief, asking us to consider which we would accept and which we would choose to defy.
Here are some common cultural narratives from 2020 we may want to confront and release. Do you recognize any of them?
I’m too weak and vulnerable to heal myself and be healthy.
I’m not smart [or brazen or tough] enough to use my voice.
If I express my anger, I’ll hurt someone.
I’ll never get along with [this or that] group of people.
I’ll break if I express my intense personal power.
How Worthy Do You Feel?
Before we can defy a narrative, we have to feel worthy of defying. Neuropsychologist Dr. Mario Martinez describes a practice he calls “valuation mindfulness,” which uses an embodied memory of being valued as a resource for confronting limiting cultural narratives. Here’s how it works: We quiet ourselves as for a mindfulness meditation. We then embody an early memory of being deeply valued by another person. Then, in our minds and bodies, we face and defy the cultural narrative we want to overturn, using imagery. We note our physical sensations as we envision the images and see ourselves defying the narrative. After this exercise, we remember the felt, physical sense of being valued and defy the narrative as a new practice in real life.
How to Perform This Mindfulness Practice
Choose the cultural narrative you do not want. Perhaps it is, “I’m not smart [or brazen or tough] enough to use my voice.”
Sit in a quiet place, in a comfortable chair with a solid back. (Dr. Martinez recommends a chair with a solid back as part of establishing a felt sense of safety.)
Close your eyes and begin to relax. Witness your breathing as if you were watching a film. Do not interfere with the rhythm; simply be aware of your breathing pattern.
Bring to mind someone who confirmed your worthiness with an act of kindness or generosity, someone who recognized that you are special. Perhaps as a young child you had just moved to a new town, and a neighborhood kid befriended you.
Experience what you feel from this empowering memory. Remember where and how you had this experience. Savor the memory.
Bring to mind the cultural narrative you are releasing and commit to changing that aspect of your life. Maybe you want to address, “I’m not smart [or brazen or tough] enough to use my voice,” by saying, “It is my birthright to express myself, no matter my condition.” Notice how your body responds to your defiance. Simply observe whatever surfaces and let it pass.
Come back to regular awareness.
Take Conscious Action
Anytime you try to change but find resistance, from yourself or others, embody the experience of validation. Do whatever you consider self-loving to implement change. In this example, perhaps you speak up at least once in your next team meeting. Allow others to not like your decision. They may not be ready to change when you are.
Notice how your body responds to your defiance. Simply observe whatever surfaces and let it pass. Know that you are regaining your dignity.
Finding Freedom in Worthy Defiance
You can use this same exercise for other acts of worthy defiance. Perhaps you feel you’re too wounded to fall in love again, too old to go back to college or too set in your ways to learn a new language.
Find the narrative that is limiting you and stand up to it.
When we learn to recognize and defy the narratives that diminish our worth, constrain our possibility or separate us from what we know to be true, we create greater freedom to choose how we will live.