We Can Be Heroes: The Vows That Shape Who We Become.
By Jill Barrett, Evolve Impact Founder & Managing Partner
It was the year 2010. The year Apple unveiled the iPad, Time Magazine named Mark Zuckerberg as their Person of the Year and Congress passed the Affordable Care Act.
I was a 34-year-old mom of a preteen living in Bethesda, Maryland and reading the latest neighborhood book club book: I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman by Nora Ephron.
I loved how Nora (best known for When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle, You’ve Got Mail, Julie and Julia) while living in Manhattan, never styled her own hair, always got it done at the salon. How she shrugged off the expensive bag obsession and used whatever random tote bag was close by. And wrote "wickedly witty" prose (according to The Boston Globe). She was a woman living life on her own terms.
One day, I stumbled on one of Nora's famous lines “Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.”
In that moment, made a vow. A resolution if you will.
I would be my own heroine.
Being a heroine happened in small moves, of course. But boy did those small moves produce big results.
The Vows That Shape Us
We make vows throughout our lives, although we rarely call them that.
Some are explicit: I will never work for someone like that again. I will build something of my own. I will become the kind of leader I needed.
Others form quietly in response to disappointment, ambition, loss, love or possibility.
Over time, these declarations can become organizing narratives. They influence what we notice, what we tolerate, what we pursue and the choices we make when no one is watching.
Some vows expand us. Others once protected us but eventually become constraints.
That makes them worth examining.
What promises have you made to yourself, consciously or otherwise?
Which have changed the trajectory of your life?
Which are you still living inside?
And which no longer belong to the person you are becoming?
Becoming the Author
Leadership development is often discussed in terms of skills, behaviors and competencies. Those matter. But development also involves examining the stories through which we understand ourselves.
We are shaped by what has happened to us. We also participate in shaping what happens next.
That does not mean controlling every circumstance or pretending difficulty can be overcome through attitude alone. It means recognizing the agency we do possess: the capacity to examine an old narrative, make a different choice and practice becoming someone new.
Thirteen years after encountering Nora Ephron’s words, I was still thinking about the vow they prompted.
I suspect I will be for the rest of my life.
What vows are quietly shaping yours?